Coastal Viewpoint Weddings

Dear Peggy, What is the "rule" as far as children at weddings. I really don't want them but I know certain friends/relatives are bringing them. How do I handle this? Veronica

    Dear Veronica, I'm with you. If people/guests had any sense they would look at whom the invitation is addressed to, they would read that accurately. However, when not read correctly and they say they're bringing their darlings. You must be very direct with one of the following:

    a. We would love to have them but there just isn't room.
    b. Both our families combined, there are just too many children to allow others.
    c. The place we are having the reception does not allow children, as we will be serving alcoholic beverages
As a last resort, if you think some will bring "darlings", have a room set aside with a sitter.
Good luck

    Dear Peggy, I am engaged but no date is set. People keep asking me : when? When? When? For many reasons we do not have a date set -- mostly financial. How do I answer? Sally

     Dear Sally, Answer -- quick and simple. "When we have a date, you'll be the first to know". Give no further explanation!

     Dear Peggy, We have a very interesting situation. My parents are not speaking to my fiancés parents. This all started over the size of our wedding, the expenses, who was obligated for what -- on and on. At this point I don't want a wedding, my mother does, my fiancé does, his parents say: "Count us out". The joy/fun has been eliminated. What to do?   Mary Pat

     Dear Mary Pat,   A meeting is definitely in order. You run it, you control it, you make the decisions, you delegate responsibility. Make it short, tell them how disappointed you are in their attempt to ruin your day, stress that you never want to have this conversation again -- here is the plan and we will all move forward. Sad for you but by putting the ball in your court, moving forward you can keep it there.

     Dear Peggy, I have a quick question: must the ushers walk down the aisle or can they go up the side aisle? I think it looks very awkward for men (minus a bouquet) to walk down an aisle. Also must the number of bridesmaids equal the amount of ushers.
Joan Frey, Crestwood, NY

     Dear Joan, It is perfectly fine for the ushers to go down the side aisle. That is just a personal preference. Numbers are your choice -- if you have more bridesmaids then the ushers can escort two bridesmaids back down the aisle, the usher being in the middle.

      Dear Peggy, My fiancé and I are members of two different faiths. I feel that the primary minister should be from my church, my fiancé wants to know how I figured that out. He feels that he has just as much a right to have his minister perform the ceremony. What do you think? Louise Bethencourt, Dayton, Ohio

     Dear Louise, I think, Louise, that you and your fiancé have a ton of talking to do! Religion will be a big part of your life, when you are both of the same faith, the issue is not. However, down the line you will have this topic come up again and again -- have you discussed what religion your children will be brought up in? I really can't say who should be the principal celebrant, I don't want to say. This is an issue that you both will have to settle on together in a very mature way, minus any input from your parents. Good luck.

     Dear Peggy, I have always, always loved gardenias. Just love them. Naturally I want them in my bridal bouquet, in the ushers lapels, on the altar. Well, my mother says gardenias wilt, turn brown and have a very short life. As long as they last for the church ceremony (twenty two minutes) who cares. Well, my mother does. She refuses to pay for them, will absolutely not let me have them. Help!! Cindy Hricko, St. Mary's, Ga.

     Dear Cindy, I can almost bet you that 90% of the guests will never know or remember   (or care) what flowers you used. White roses are fine, white carnations, okay. I agree with your mom -- gardenias are "fussy". I would listen to your Mom or else say you'll foot the bill for the flowers and when the gardenias go brown -- shhhhhhhhh, not a word!